Dear Cinderella,
It's been awhile since we've seen you around, girl. Where have you been?
Sure did miss you this last weekend for the NCAA Championship. Again.
What has it been now, 23 years? Wow. I just remember Rollie Massimino looking so ill up until Villanova finally sealed the deal. An eight seed. Can you imagine? Hasn't been done before or since.
Ah, but that was a different time, wasn't it? Interesting that the last two appearances you made in April were in the real college basketball palaces. Jimmy Valvano ready to mosh with you in The Pit back in '83. Then '85 with Rupp Arena and old Rollie, ready for a Dramamine after just two spins. But he sure hung in there.
I know, I know. Two Italian dance partners and neither came anywhere close to Fabio in the looks department. But you know you couldn't have found better partners on "Dancing With The Stars".
Then the NCAA moved to the football stadiums and we haven't seen you for the biggest dance since. What gives?
Like we don't know.
The NCAA thinks we don't see that they only let you dance through March. You almost snuck through with George Mason a couple of years ago, but like you said, George didn't have the right school tie to crash that party.
The boob tube only serves those with the bloodlines. "North Carolina." becomes "North Carolina!" when Dickie V says it.
In comparison with all that reinforced tradition poor George Mason might as well have been located in a strip mall next to the Ross.
Surprisingly, I was more bummed by Memphis losing to Kansas than I had thought I'd be. Bill Self is a good guy, but the thought of yet another non-BCS school coming up short was upsetting.
Not that you'd be eligible to dance with Calipari. He was coaching a number one seed, after all, but you know what I mean. A win for Conference USA would have been good for us here in El Paso.
I will say Banowsky and the rest of the conference had better step things up before the Tigers decide they have enough jack to buy their way into someone's country club. It's a good thing the Big East is full up these days.
Speaking of the Bowl Championship Series, funny to realize it, but we only get to see you in December and January anymore. And they keep threatening to take that one away from you, too.
Doesn't anybody realize that you only date college guys? That you've never accepted a dance from a team of multi-millionaire professional men, even though they have cooler cars?
You're true to your school, Cindy, even if it's in Boise, Idaho.
You really surprised and hurt me with that Fiesta Bowl last year, Cindy. You knew I grew up in Norman, OK.
But hey, even though I like the Sooners, I appreciate you for you and I enjoyed watching you boogie with Boise State despite myself. You left me shaking my head, but I was grinning the whole time.
You never told me how you thought to dredge up that Statue of Liberty move. It was great! Truly, great.
And it'll all be a memory, too, if the NCAA and the talking/writing heads have their way. I know you get the most mentions come March, but if only they realized with 65 teams in a tournament it's simple math that you'll have lots of dance partners. Until the end, anyway.
Honestly, what do they think will happen to you if they play it off in college football? What are they thinking, wanting to make you go two or three dances before you get to the big one?
Glass slippers are good for one whirl, but three or four? The clock would strike midnight long before you were done. That's what they just don't get, especially in football.
One shot, that's what it has been in the bowls. That's what it should be. Not David vs. Goliath, then Goliath's three equally large brothers.
They can sell the basketball tournament for all it's worth. You do plenty of great dancing in the first couple of weeks there, anyway.
Just watch yourself around these football playoff goons, Cindy. Don't let 'em sell you out. If it's been 23 years in basketball, we both know it'll never ever happen with these big, deep teams on the gridiron.
If they really respect you for who you are, Cinderella, they'll know better.
Yeah, yeah -- "When fairy godmothers take the bus."